My son once asked, ‘Mummy why am I always the last child to be picked up from Kidz Klub’.

That was the pivotal moment in my career which led me to resign. After I did so, I recalled an episode of Sex in the City when Sarah Jessica Parker character asked the question – ‘Can women really have it all?’

I grew up in the 1980’s where the divisive figure, Margaret Thatcher, inspired many young women to believe that it was possible to be both a mother and successful. However, 34 years later, whilst the number of women in work in the UK has risen from 55% to 72%, only 10 of FTSE 100 CEOs are women¹ and 85% of those full-time mothers who return to work leave full time employment within 3 years, with 40% turning down promotion due to the pressures and cost of caring for children.²

Whilst the Government and Corporations had begun to appreciate the importance of gender diversity in the workplace by accommodating the request for reduced working hours, improving return to work policies and assistance with childcare, unfortunately it has taken a pandemic to bring about fundamental change for women. The introduction of a flexible hybrid working environment, more open debates, safe spaces for discussion and additional support, all evolved during the pandemic.

As mothers, we no longer must suffer the disapproval of missing sports day or the shame of forgetting it was non-school uniform day, because you didn’t have time to read the email! The guilt you once felt as your own children were joining the ‘Latch Key Kids’ generation, has disappeared as you have greater control over the hours you work. Whilst institutions are taking a more supportive approach, the burden of caring for the family is still primarily the mother’s role. However, it is important to question, is this our choice or does society still expect the mother to be the ‘Home Maker’?

The cost of childcare in the UK is one of the most expensive in Europe and whilst the Spring Budget may ease the burden, our European counterparties have been bolder and used childcare provision to tackle inter-generational inequality. Childcare in Portugal is free for the first 3 years³ and in France the compulsory school age has been reduced to 3 years⁴. These are powerful tools which aim to address inequality in society and the workplace, through effective childcare solutions.

Whilst more supportive childcare would be welcome, ironically the time constraints of achieving that idealistic work life balance may hinder our ability to meet the cost of childcare, by demoting financial planning to the bottom of our priority list. The shame of un-opened bank and pension statements sitting under takeaway menus is commonplace, however in reality good financial advice can both ease the burden and enable you to plan for your family’s future.

Although the number of stay-at-home dads has risen since the pandemic, the British Psychological Society acknowledges that women are more prone to feelings of guilt than men and society creates the implicit gender stereotype that we are the natural carers.⁵ A study by Lianne Aarntzen in 2022 concluded that women feel more guilt than men when work interferes with the family and this extends to caring for elderly parents – a subject yet to be addressed as our aging population rises and yet the retirement age increases. Does this imbalance come from within or is it culturally established?

Going back to the start, I asked the question can women really have it all?  This is a tricky answer to a complex question. As a mother I may moan about inequality, yet we are equal to men and if we are determined to be successful and great mothers of course it is possible. So why are the figures above so damming – maybe it is the guilt! That overwhelming feeling that we need to be the perfect mother and that ache of shame when you put yourself before the family – an emotion that perhaps men find easier to manage.

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References

1. https://www.ons.gov.uk/
2. https://www.raconteur.net/talent-culture/mothers-return-work-maternity-leave
3. https://www.theportugalnews.com/news/2023-10-11/free-day-care-extended-to-3-year-olds/82188
4. https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-43562029#:~:text=The%20change%20will%20give%20France,that%20age%2C%20government%20figures%20show
5. https://www.bps.org.uk/news/working-mothers-feel-higher-levels-guilt-due-internalised-gender-stereotypes-compared-fathers

To contact or read more about Charlotte Tague, visit her biography here.

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